Coercive Control Simplified
Although Document The Abuse is not a standard victim service provider, we advocate for prevention and education about all forms of abuse quite seriously. We feel that by creating the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) and recording your incidents of coercive control and other forms of abuse, it will assist you in realizing the situation you are in more fully, and help prepare you to leave safely.
not everyone understands coercive control
Coercive control is a pattern of behavior by an abuser to dominate their partner and erode their autonomy and self-worth. Some of the tactics coercive control encompasses include emotional manipulation, isolation, intimidation, and micromanagement, perhaps not all used at once, but aimed at maintaining power. Unlike physical abuse, coercive control is often harder to recognize, making it a concern in potentially violent relationships.
5 Subtle signs of coercive control
Identifying coercive control is often challenging because it involves a combination of subtle behaviors that escalate over a period of time. Some of the key signs are:
1. Isolation
Have you been secluded from your friends, family and other support networks? Isolation can be achieved by an abuser through:
Discouraging social interactions: Insisting on being your only companion or making you feel guilty for spending time with others.
Monitoring communication: Checking your messages, calls, and social media activities and questioning you about them.
Creating conflict: Stirring up trouble with friends and family to alienate you from your support system.
2. Emotional Manipulation
Has someone ever made you feel confused or like you are on an emotional roller coaster? Here are some characterizations of emotional manipulation:
Gaslighting: Making you doubt your memory, perception, or sanity by denying events or accusing you of overreacting.
Love bombing: Showering you with affection and attention to create a sense of dependency.
Emotional blackmail: Using guilt, fear, or obligation to control your actions.
3. Intimidation and Threats
Even without physical violence, is your abuser is creating fear?
Verbal threats: Threatening harm you, themselves, or your loved ones.
Displaying weapons: Keeping weapons visible to remind you of the potential for violence.
Stalking and surveillance: Constantly watching your movements and activities. Checking your correspondence or conversations with others.
4. Economic Abuse
Are you in control of your financial resources, or does your partner control your money? Here are ways abusers use economic abuse:
Restricting access to money: Providing an allowance or taking complete control of finances.
Preventing employment: Discouraging or sabotaging your job opportunities.
Accumulating debt: Incurring debt in your name, thus damaging your financial independence.
5. Degradation and Humiliation
Does your abuser seem to destroy your self-esteem in any of the following ways?
Constantly criticize: Diminishing your appearance, intelligence, or abilities.
Public humiliation: Embarrassing you in front of others.
Sexual coercion: Forcing or manipulating you into unwanted sexual activities.
Do you feel like you have lost your sense of self and your ability to make independent decisions? Is your abuser restricting your freedom and leaving you feeling trapped and powerless?
Coercive Control is Abuse
Coercive control is widely recognized as a form of abuse in legal circles and by domestic violence organizations. It can profoundly impact your mental health and well-being and here are some key reasons it is considered another method of abuse:
1. Psychological Harm
Are you experiencing constant manipulation, threats, and isolation? These experiences may lead to the following:
Anxiety and depression: Chronic fear and self-doubt which may lead to mental health issues.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): Persistent trauma from the abusive environment.
Low self-esteem: Continuous criticism and humiliation which wears down your confidence.
2. Loss of Autonomy
Do you feel like you have lost your sense of self and your ability to make independent decisions? Is your abuser restricting your freedom and leaving you feeling trapped and powerless? From Psych Central: “You are more controlled by what others do, think, and feel, and adapt accordingly. You react to and worry about someone else's expectations and reactions and defer to their opinion. You may have difficulty making decisions and taking action on your own.”
3. Physical Health Impact
While coercive control is primarily psychological, the stress and anxiety it causes can also lead to health problems, including chronic pain, gastrointestinal issues, and weakened immune function.
4. Legal Recognition
Many legal systems now recognize coercive control as a criminal offense. In the UK, the Serious Crime Act 2015 includes coercive control as a form of domestic abuse, making it punishable by law. This recognition underscores the severity of coercive control as a form of abuse. Several states in the US are legislatively recognizing coercive control as a punishable crime.
What is the best way to leave a relationship where you are experiencing coercive control?
Leaving a coercive control relationship is a complex and often dangerous process. Here are the some best practices and suggestions for safely leaving your relationship:
1. Preparation and Planning
Safety Plan: Develop a detailed safety plan that includes safe places to go, how to get there, and what to take. Keep essential documents and a packed bag ready.
Support Network: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or domestic violence support services for assistance and a safe place to stay.
2. Legal and Financial Advice
Legal Protection: Seek advice on legal options, such as restraining orders or protective orders, to safeguard against the abuser.
Financial Independence: Open a separate bank account, if possible, and secure your financial resources. Consider consulting a financial advisor for assistance.
3. Emotional Support
Counseling: Engage with a therapist specializing in domestic abuse and trauma informed care to help process the trauma of your situation and help to build resilience.
Support Groups: Join support groups where you can share experiences and gain strength from others who have been through similar situations.
4. Technology Safety
Digital Security: Ensure your devices are secure, change passwords, and consider using a new phone with a new number or a computer that the abuser cannot access. You may want to have your devices professionally scanned to ensure there are no elements of spyware attached.
Social Media Precautions: Be cautious with social media or consider staying off completely for a while. Ensure that your location is not disclosed and limit what you share online.
5. Leaving Strategically
Timing: Choose a time to leave when the abuser is not present or less likely to interfere. You may need the assistance of a trusted friend, or if there is imminent fear or danger, law enforcement.
Location: Go to a place the abuser does not know or cannot easily access, such as a shelter or the home of a trusted friend.
6. Legal Action and Advocacy
Documenting Abuse: Keep records of abusive behavior, including messages, emails, or recordings, which can be used in legal proceedings. Of course, we highly recommend completing an Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) to safely and securely keep your documentation in one place.
Professional Advocacy: Work with qualified domestic violence advocates and service providers who can guide and support you throughout the process.
Recovery and rebuilding are challenging but achievable with the right support, planning, and resources.
After Leaving: Recovery and Rebuilding
Leaving an abusive relationship is the beginning of a long journey toward rebuilding your life. Here are some suggestions as you begin this journey:
1. Ongoing Safety Measures
Stay Vigilant: Continue to monitor your safety and take precautions against potential retaliation from the abuser. Continue to document any incidents, correspondence, or retaliation efforts of the abuser in your Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA).
Relocation: If necessary, consider relocating to a new area to break free from the abuser’s influence.
2. Therapeutic Support
Counseling: Regular therapy sessions can help in processing trauma, rebuilding self-esteem, and developing healthy coping mechanisms.
Trauma-Informed Care: Seek therapists who specialize in trauma-informed care to address the deep psychological impact of coercive control.
3. Rebuilding Independence
Financial Stability: Focus on regaining financial independence through employment, education, or financial aid programs.
Social Networks: Reconnect with friends and family, and build new supportive relationships to counteract the isolation experienced during the abusive relationship.
4. Empowerment and Education
Self-Empowerment: Engage in activities that build confidence and self-worth, such as hobbies, volunteer work, or skill-building courses.
Education and Awareness: Educate yourself about domestic abuse and coercive control to understand your experience and prevent future abusive relationships. One of the very best programs for those who are recovering from an abusive relationship is The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction.
5. Legal and Community Support
Legal Assistance: Continue to work with legal professionals to ensure ongoing protection and resolve any legal issues stemming from the relationship.
Community Resources: Utilize community resources, such as domestic violence organizations, shelters, and hotlines, which offer support and guidance.
Understanding coercive control is crucial for taking steps to leave safely. It is a form of abuse that inflicts profound psychological harm, strips away autonomy, and can impact physical health. Recognizing the subtle signs, acknowledging the gravity of coercive control as abuse, and following best practices for leaving safely are essential steps toward breaking free from the abuser.
Recovery and rebuilding are challenging but achievable with the right support, planning, and resources. Empowerment through education, legal action, and community support is key to reclaiming your life and moving forward.
The following are some qualified experts and resources who tirelessly work to educate about the reality of coercive control. There are also many organizations that are working to detect and prevent coercive control.
Dr. Emma Katz (UK)
Samantha Billingham, Stronger Beginnings (UK)
Laura Richards (UK)
Kate Amber MSc, End Coercive Control US
For more information on the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit, please check our website pages for detailed instruction.
If you are a victim of violence, stalking, or harassment this link takes you directly to the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit. CLICK HERE