6 ThingsVictims of Abuse Expect on Their First Call for Help
The First Call for Help
For a victim of abuse, picking up the phone and calling the police is rarely a simple or impulsive decision. It's usually the result of countless sleepless nights, moments of fear, isolation, and the exhausting calculation of risk versus hope. By the time a victim makes that first call, they’ve likely already been through more than anyone should bear.
And in that fragile, pivotal moment, they are placing all of their of trust in the person on the other end of the line—or the one who shows up at their door.
Police officers are often the first responders to domestic violence and abuse cases. Their role is critical, and most genuinely want to help. But for victims, the expectations in that first interaction are layered, complicated, and shaped by fear, trauma, and a longing to be believed.
Here’s what victims are often silently hoping for during that first encounter with law enforcement—and how departments can expand their understanding to better support them.
1. “Please Believe Me.”
Above all else, victims want to be believed. Abuse—especially emotional, psychological, and coercive control—doesn’t always leave visible scars. When victims are met with doubt, scrutiny, or indifference, it can shut the door on future cooperation, or worse, send them back to their abuser feeling even more unsafe.
What helps: Officers who listen without rushing, validate what’s being shared, and communicate, “You’re not alone—we’re here to help,” can make all the difference.
2. “Please Don’t Treat Me Like I’m the Problem.”
Victims may appear angry, numb, defensive, confused, or even overly calm. These reactions are often trauma responses—not signs that they’re lying or unstable. Unfortunately, abuse survivors sometimes feel they’re being interrogated, not supported.
What helps: A trauma-informed approach means understanding that fear and confusion are natural. Asking questions gently, avoiding accusatory language, and showing compassion can break down the walls victims are forced to build.
3. “Please Explain What’s Happening.”
If officers are arriving on the scene, there’s often a blur of lights, movement, and noise. Victims are scared and unsure of what’s coming next, often trying to protect and calm their children. Who will be arrested? What will happen to the children? Is it safe to tell the whole story?
What helps: Clear, simple explanations of procedures, rights, and next steps help empower victims. Something as simple as, “Here’s what we’re going to do, and here’s why,” can offer critical reassurance.
4. “Please Don’t Leave Me with Nothing.”
In many cases, no arrest is made. There may not be enough evidence in the moment, or the victim may be unwilling to press charges yet. But that doesn’t mean they’re safe—or that help or resources shouldn’t be offered.
What helps: Leave something behind. A phone number, a card for a local advocate, or a safety planning resource like the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) gives victims something to hold onto—a sense that someone is in their corner, even if they’re not able or ready to leave today.
5. “Please See the Bigger Picture.”
Abuse is rarely about a single incident—it’s a pattern and an escalation of abusive behaviors. Victims want officers to look beyond just the black-and-white facts of that moment. They want someone to see the manipulation, the isolation, the financial control, and the fear that has been eroding their life for months or years.
What helps: Asking deeper questions, gently and respectfully, can surface patterns of abuse. Officers trained to recognize coercive control and psychological abuse can spot red flags that others might miss. Receiving as much information as possible could lead to a more positive outcome.
6. “Please Let Me Be a Person, Not a Case File.”
Victims of abuse often feel dehumanized by their experiences. When they call the police, they’re hoping to be treated with dignity, not as just another call on a busy shift. Moreover, too many officers and advocates are trained to check the boxes for each case often not realizing that every case of abuse will be different. You can’t have blanket solutions to build a successful case.
What helps: Small things matter—using their name, offering water, checking on the kids, asking if they have a safe place to go. These gestures remind victims that they matter, that they’re seen, and that their safety is a priority. Think outside the box for a solution to this particular case.
Building a Response Rooted in Humanity
Police officers face enormous pressure. They make split-second decisions in high-stress environments, and domestic violence calls can be among the most unpredictable and dangerous. This is not about criticism—it’s about equipping good officers with the tools they need to respond with care, clarity, and confidence.
At Document the Abuse, we offer training and resources like the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit to help bridge the gap between victims and responders. Our goal isn’t to point fingers—it’s to open doors. Because when law enforcement and survivors work together with mutual understanding, lives are not just protected—they are transformed.
If you're part of a police department looking to strengthen your trauma-informed response or integrate tools like the EAA, we’d love to work with you. Together, we can make that first call not just a cry for help—but a turning point toward safety.
More information about the EAA (Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit)
How the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) Supports Legal and Law Enforcement Efforts
About the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA)
If you are a victim of violence, stalking, or harassment this link takes you directly to the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit. CLICK HERE
