Understanding a Common Response to Abuse

In domestic violence responses, one statistic stands out for its frequency and complexity: in roughly 70-80% of criminal cases involving domestic violence, victims later change, withdraw, or soften their original statements.

To someone outside, it can seem baffling. A person bravely reports an act of violence, only to later insist it never happened, or that it wasn’t serious, or that they were mistaken. For those who advocate for survivors, however, this isn’t a surprise, it’s a painful but familiar pattern, one that highlights just how powerful the dynamics of isolation, control and fear can be.

The Relationship Behind the Report

Victims of domestic violence rarely have a distant connection with the person causing them harm. More often, it’s someone they love or have deeply trusted. The relationship may be spousal, romantic, sexual, parental, social, psychological, or financial and sometimes all of these at once. These intimate bonds are what make abuse so devastating and the decisions around it so complicated.

When a victim reports abuse, it’s often an act of desperation rather than defiance. Many want the violence to stop, not necessarily to see their partner prosecuted or incarcerated. They may hope that a call to law enforcement will serve as a wake-up call, or that an overnight separation will cool tempers. But when the legal process begins, it often moves with a momentum of its own, and victims can quickly feel trapped between loyalty, fear, and survival.

What “Changing the Story” Can Look Like

When someone changes their account of an abusive incident, it can take many forms, including:
— “It wasn’t that bad.”
— “I overreacted, it didn’t really happen the way I said.”
— “It was my fault; I pushed him too far.”
— “I just want to drop everything and move on.”

Each of these responses may appear to outsiders as inconsistency, but to the victim, they often represent a strategy for safety. In many cases, changing the story is the only way to reduce immediate danger or to maintain a fragile sense of control in a relationship dominated by fear.

The Weight of Fear and Dependence

For many victims, the decision to change their story feels like the safest course of action for themselves and their children. This doesn’t come from confusion, it comes from calculation. Victims often know their abuser better than anyone else, and they understand the risks of speaking out. They may anticipate retaliation, physical, emotional, or financial, if the case moves forward.

Fear can take many shapes:

Fear of losing children through custody battles or child protective involvement.
Fear of losing housing or income if the abuser is the primary breadwinner.
Fear of social isolation or judgment from friends, family, or faith communities.
Fear that no one will believe them or that they will be blamed.
Fear that involving the system will make things worse, not better.

These fears are often well-founded. Many survivors have experienced being dismissed, doubted, or disbelieved by law enforcement, courts, or even family members. For them, withdrawing a statement can feel like the only way to restore peace, even temporarily. The fear factor is a huge weight to bear, and often victims believe they can hang on just a little longer.

Emotional Bonds and the Cycle of Hope

Beyond fear lies something equally powerful: emotional attachment. Abusive relationships don’t begin with violence, they start with affection, attention, and promises of love. Even after episodes of harm, victims may hold onto hope that the person they once loved will change, seek help, or return to being the partner they believed in.

This emotional tug-of-war can be overwhelming. Survivors may vacillate between anger and compassion, fear and forgiveness. They may convince themselves that things will get better, that the violence was a one-time event, or that they can fix it. In these moments, taking back or softening a statement feels like a way to preserve the relationship, not deny the abuse.

The Impact on the Justice System

**Justice and Accountability**

The justice system often fails to protect victims from the consequences of telling the truth.

When victims change their stories, it poses significant challenges for prosecutors, law enforcement, and advocates. Without consistent testimony, cases may be dismissed or reduced, allowing abusers to avoid accountability. But it’s critical to remember that this pattern doesn’t mean the initial report was false, it often means the system failed to protect the victim from the consequences of telling the truth.

For this reason, trauma-informed professionals are trained to approach these situations with empathy and caution. Rather than pushing for cooperation at all costs, effective advocates focus on building trust, addressing safety concerns, and empowering victims to make choices that align with their needs and circumstances.

Why Documentation Matters

Because the legal and emotional pressures on victims are so intense, documentation plays a vital role in ensuring their safety and justice in the long term. At Document The Abuse, we help survivors and professionals understand and utilize the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA), a tool designed to capture the victim’s experiences, statements, and evidence in a secure, legally admissible format.

The EAA can serve as a safety net. It provides victims a way to preserve their voice, even if they later feel unable to speak up or participate in the prosecution process. This documentation can also help protect their memory and credibility, particularly in cases where abusers manipulate, intimidate, or silence their victims.

Securing evidence and documentation is a way to preserve a victim’s testimony, not hearsay, and is available when they are ready and willing to proceed. Creating an EAA protects the truth, and the victim, from fear, judgment, and consequences.

Building a Culture of Understanding

Changing a story doesn’t mean the abuse didn’t happen, it means the victim is navigating impossible choices. It’s a reflection of how deeply domestic violence affects every layer of a person’s life. For advocates, service providers, and community members, the goal isn’t to judge or force cooperation, it’s to understand, support, and protect.

When we meet survivors with compassion instead of frustration, we create space for healing. When we believe them even if they later change their statements, we send the message that their safety and dignity matter more than procedural consistency.

A Path Toward Safety and Empowerment

The path out of abuse is rarely straightforward. It’s filled with fear, doubt, and second-guessing. Every survivor’s journey looks different, and every choice whether to report, to stay, to leave, or to withdraw is shaped by circumstances we may never fully see. We shouldn’t look at any abuse case and check the boxes to see where it fits, each case is unique and must be handled with that in mind.

Our responsibility, as advocates and as a society, is to ensure that survivors have options, information, and support at every stage. Whether through trauma-informed training, better community partnerships, or tools like the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit, we can make it safer for victims to tell their truth and to stand by it when they are ready.

Changing one’s story doesn’t erase the truth. It reveals just how complex and dangerous domestic violence can be, and why safety, documentation, and compassion are the cornerstones of real justice.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please reach out to local resources or visit DocumentTheAbuse.org to learn more about the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and our training programs. Join us as we work hard to make it safer for victims to speak and to be heard.

More information about the EAA (Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit)

How the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) Supports Legal and Law Enforcement Efforts

About the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA)

Strengthening the First Response

Steps to Healing After Abuse: A Survivor’s Guide